What Is Gaslighting? Signs And How To Deal With It

Gaslighting - Manipulation You Must Stop Now

Have you ever found yourself doubting your thoughts, perceptions, memory, or even sanity? If yes, don’t ignore it. It’s time to learn more about it. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse, where the abuser tries to make a victim feel crazy. The abuser creates a surreal interpersonal environment. It is common in interpersonal relationships and politics.

What is Gaslighting?

The term gaslighting originated from the play Gas Light (1938). In this play, a husband tries to convince his wife that she is insane. He did so by manipulating the aspects of the environment. He used to dim lights powered by gas in the home and pretended that nothing had changed. It makes his wife doubt her own beliefs and perceptions. Since then, the term gaslighting has been used to describe the efforts of someone to manipulate the perception of reality of someone else. 

But why would someone do that? What are the gains? The abuser may want full control over the victim’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. And this is very easy when the victim loses a sense of confidence, self-esteem, and reality. The results can be the development of confusion, disturbing ideas and affect, depression, anxiety, or even psychosis. And when a victim comes to the point of learned helplessness, and that they are not enough or well, they become vulnerable. And are hence easily controlled and manipulated. This is what an abuser wants. 

Hence, the goal of gaslighting is to sabotage the confidence of victims in their own mental capacities, and abilities, distinguish between right and wrong, and finally get dependent on the abuser for their emotions, thoughts, and making decisions. 

10 Signs Of Gaslighting:

Often sociopaths and narcissists are considered to manipulate others. However, people who lack empathy, have a constant need for attention, admiration, or approval, and those who believe that they are better or superior to others can use gaslighting consciously or unconsciously. Some of the signs of gaslighting are:

• You find it difficult to make decisions, even simple ones
• You feel confused
• You always end up apologizing
• You second-guess your thoughts, feelings, and sanity
• You are unable to understand the reality
• You may have negative feelings but can't explain them logically, even to yourself
• You don’t feel happy
• You defend the behavior of the abuser
• You think you are too sensitive
• You avoid social interactions

Methods of Gaslighting:

Now you know what gaslighting is and how would you know if someone is manipulating you. Remember, you may not be able to do reasoning and find logic in the situation, but recognizing your emotions is enough to identify manipulation. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, some of the methods that abusers use for gaslighting are as follows:

Countering- the abuser doubts the memory of the victim and questions it giving the impression that the victim doesn’t remember things accurately. For instance, “That's not what happened, you know you don’t have a strong memory.”

Denial/Forgetting- the abuser pretends that he/she doesn’t remember what actually happened or completely denies something. An example is, “I don't know what you are talking about”. 

Withholding- the abuser tries to avoid engaging in a conversation by pretending that he/she doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to listen to something. For instance, by saying, “You are confusing me.”

Trivializing- As the name gives a hint, the abuser tries to trivialize the feelings and needs of the victim. For instance, “You don’t need that thing you are asking for”. 

Diverting/Blocking- the abuser tries to divert the thoughts of the victim or tries to start talking about something different. For instance, “You are making things up.”

Gaslighting can occur everywhere. It can occur in a private relationship, parent-child relationship, in school, or at work. Therefore, it is essential to know its signs and how it can be done. Some of the gaslighting examples are given above, which can help you identify this manipulation early. Then the next stage is to learn how to deal with it. 

How To Deal With Gaslighting?

Everyone can encounter and deal with gaslighting differently. Here are some of the effective ways to deal with it.

• Identify the problem
• Keep a journal where you can track events and your thoughts and feelings about it
• Contact with trusted family members or friends
• Distinguish reality from distortion
• Acknowledge your feelings
• Be self-compassionate
• Give yourself the right to move on

Gathering the courage to practice these ways may be difficult, especially when you have been gaslighted for long. But you can’t let yourself get damaged just to meet the needs of others. Take time to ponder over it and make the right decision that suits you. However, if nothing works for you, seeking the help of a professional would be the right choice.